Maybe Next Time

He didn't get the job.

How is this our life? We are always 1 point short or somehow on the wrong side of the coin toss.

The attorney who interviewed Bryce for the job called him today and said this is the hardest decision he's had to make. They knew on Friday that they were torn between Bryce and another guy. They couldn't decide. Today, they finally decided on the other guy. In essence, it was a coin toss... they just had to choose one and we lost.

I cried. Bryce actually handled it really well and is ready to contact more firms and get more interviews.

This hit me harder than not passing the bar. I don't know why. I think it's because we were so sure he had it. The guy LOVED him.

He's apparently recommending Bryce to other attorney's in town and is sending their info to us so we can send our resume over. I just don't get why we are always just barely short of success.

I know, my life is great. I'm blessed. I know. But, I don't feel like I should always have to balance my comments, I know how I feel. I love my family. Of all the trials I can think of... this isn't so bad... but, it doesn't make it pleasant.

One day, we'll be fine. But, until then, I'm just worn out. I'm sick of barely having money. I'm sick of having to depend on all sorts of welfare from people. I just want us to take care of ourselves. I want to buy a house. I want to settle down somewhere. I want to know that we're permanently where we reside for a few years. I'm sick of not knowing where I'll be in a month. I don't want to depend on volunteer babysitters.

We're not really lacking in things. I don't know how I don't feel poor. I just don't buy anything. Gosh, if I had money, I would probably be wasting it on all sorts of cute clothes. I'd like a gym membership too... and some babysitting. Maybe some nice dinners. I'd love to decorate my home. I see all these gorgeous decorations and pieces of furniture... I can't afford any of it. We can't even afford a nice rug for our hard floor in our living room.

I'm so sick of being practical and careful with our money. If we were still in school, it wouldn't be a big deal. But, we're out of school. Life should be moving on. It hasn't yet.

I don't need words of encouragement. I more just need people to say, gosh, that sucks. :)

We are fine. We'll be fine. He was the top 2 out of 44 applicants... so, we feel that means something has to come soon. He's gotta be on the right side of a coin toss at some point!

Maybe he'll even get a job in Denver, where we would love to live even more than Grand Junction. I sure had my heart set there though. We were just so sure. I hate that I keep getting my hopes up. I hate that my hopes are always wrong. I just hope my hopes are not wrong in hoping he passed the CO Bar. Just one piece of good news this year (obviously, I mean regarding jobs... we have plenty of other good news). Yep. That would be nice.

Only one more month to wait. No money to do anything in the meantime to take our minds off it. Yay. Maybe I should just stop watching every penny. I just want to do whatever I want. Yes, I am more than aware that even in my "dire" situation I'm still better off than probably 85% of the world.

The most annoying part is that we wanted this job so bad and it only paid the same that each of us made with our jobs before quitting them and sending him to law school! Ugh.